Assalamualaikum. I feel so disappointed and all the disappointment feelings are mix inside and if I dont blurt it out I think I met get sick, crying, and just keeping all the feelings till am explode. If am so disappointed, I tend and I prefer using English but yeah excuse for my grammatical errors and vocab. Seriously.
Today, I just got a shocking message about one if my beloved person, one of my VIP. About how R is (not a real initial tho) trying to turn over a new leaf, about how R is changing days to days. R is so far away for me to reach once upon a time. I love R so much. Allah tested R with so many difficulties. R hates me. R runs whenever R bumped me. I feel so far away from R. R is far away from Him. I kept dreaming about R. 2 to 3 times. But I dont know what to do. Everytime I feel like touching R, hug R, shush all the bad things that keep coming to R, I cant. I failed. All the time. I cried because of R. I want the old R. The one who I had knew before. The lovely, cute and sweet R. Allah tested R and me. R had gone with serious problems then. R was blamed for all the things happen to someone. But it is really because of R. Yet, I keep praying for R safeness. I tried not to blame R. I tried to see the good side of R. I keep praying for Allah to change R, to give me back my old R. Suddenly, today, in the morning, just now, I got that shocking message about R is changing to be a good person. Slowly. Days to days. Tho I dont see it by my own, I feel like screaming and telling everyone how happy I am. Indeed. I did cry. I have teary eyes upon hearing that shocking news. I keep repeating Alhamdulillah and wipe away the tears. I tell everyone about the news. I just cant keep it to myself. Am bragging here and there. Its because I feel so happy about R. I just want to tell the world, Hello see, How Allah has the power of turning someones heart in just a blink of eyes when no one had expect that its coming. I just so happy, so so happy.
But then, when am telling the news to other people, there are some reactions and responses like, "Are you serious?", "Do you really believe that R is changing?", "Like seriously?". The moment I heard these responses, my heart sank. I was so speechless and I feel like slapping those mouths. How could they say something like that? Like, seriously? They understand Islam well than R! They should know how happy Muhammad to hear and to welcome other people who come to him and telling him that they want to convert into Islam when R is Muslim who want to be a better person by turning over a new leaf. SERIOUSLY. I FEEL LIKE CRYING. How could they...how could they...Tho I dont see R's changes by my own eyes, I do believe the desire of changing yourself to a better person. Everyone has the right. We are only Allah's slave. Who are we to jude R? Who are we? Cant R changes for R sakes? Cant R? R is Allah's slave too. Allah loves R that He gives R the time and chance to change before its too late. We should help R not judge R. We should welcoming R, not condemn R. How could they...how could they...
They the one whom close to me and understand Islam well
while her the one whom I tell the story to but dont really understand Islam well can wipe her tears with me and praying for R. Can you see the difference? The difference between THEY and HER. I cant believe it myself.
Am so disappointed with this kind of situation. Excuse my English. Excuse my disappointment feelings. Excuse my anger. Excuse this whole story. Dont judge. Stop guessing. Its just nice if you readers just read this entry and think about this thing instead of judging and guessing about this story. It helps me lot I tell.
Thanks. And SORRY.
